Justice Gets Soaked
by BlueExorcist is My Main Fandom
Summary: Oliver's quiet afternoon takes a weird turn thanks to his wacky teammates. Disclaimer! This was written by my sister, not me. I'm just publishing it for her, so that other people can enjoy her glorious crack-writing powers.


A/N. This takes place in an AU where Lionel, not Lex, was behind 33.1. Lex is not evil. This is a crack series, with some shipping and a few OCs.

Oliver stepped out of the elevator, looking forward to a quiet afternoon of hacking Luthorcorp in search of experiments to thwart.

"Ollie! Save me!" Bart shot out of nowhere and dove behind him.

Oliver tensed, ready to use his combat skills to defend his youngest teammate, but the loft was still and quiet.

"Bart, nothing's going on. Why are you freaking out?"

"You gotta do something about the octopus, the speedster insisted, looking sincerely terrified.

"Bart, we're land-locked. There aren't any… of those." Oliver frowned, noticing that half of Bart's face was purple. "What happened to your face?"

Bart looked away, squirming. Oliver felt his heart sink. Anything that prompted that reaction would mean a major headache.

There was a crash and Victor flew through the kitchen doorway.

"AC, why did you summon that thing?!" yelled Clark's voice from deeper in the loft. Oliver looked back at Bart, who was hiding under a throw pillow.

"Guess you won't be helping," he muttered and headed over to check on Victor.

The cyborg was breathing, but he was also soaked and displaying swollen red marks on his arms that Oliver didn't recognize. Satisfied he would live, Oliver grabbed a knife from the rack and made his way to the bathroom.

AC and Clark continued yelling, but Oliver couldn't make out what they were saying. The floor splashed under his feet.

"Great, they flooded the place again. Am I the only professional on this team?"

He reached the open bathroom door and gripped his knife. He took a deep breath and stepped quickly inside.

The bathroom was soaked. Yes, there was an octopus. Oliver gritted his teeth and fixed the rubbery sea creature currently strangling his teammates with a spectacular murder glare.

The octopus looked at him for a moment, and then dropped AC and Clark and flailed all eight arms in the air while trying to scrunch into the bathtub. Water splashed everywhere, and Oliver began to question his sanity when the octopus vanished with a gurgling noise.

AC coughed and started laughing. Clark rubbed his throat and gasped. Oliver crept over to the tub with his knife poised to strike. There was no octopus, just a tubful of water and a Ninja Turtles loofah that Oliver didn't recall owning.

He lowered the knife. "Seriously, you guys. What just happened?"

"Lois didn't believe my stories about life at sea," AC said, still grinning like he'd been having the best day ever.

"So, he mysteriously opened a deep-sea portal in your bath tub and that thing came out of it," Clark continued, standing and taking off his red jacket, which was totally soaked. Oliver stared at the way his T-shirt clung to his abs for five seconds, then dragged his attention (and judgmental face) to AC.

The last member of his team met his eyes for a second before sobbing and curling up on the tile floor.

Bart peered around the doorway.

"Lois's face was pretty priceless, but I think her screaming scared the octopus. It started attacking after that," Clark said. Oliver looked back at him, intending to direct his questions at the only one displaying any sense, but Clark had removed his shirt to wring it out and Oliver momentarily forgot his purpose in life.

It wasn't that he was attracted to Clark, or any guy for that matter, but the farm boy was just the right combination of cute and sexy and Oliver forgot how to think every time Clark accidentally drew his attention to it. Oliver totally blamed it on some kind of wacky alien pheromone power.

"Where is Lois?" he finally managed to ask, remembering what was going on.

"She fainted, and Victor put her somewhere safe before coming to help us try and put the octopus back. Is he okay? He got hit pretty hard."

Oliver nodded, avoiding looking at Clark by prodding the still sobbing AC. "He just got knocked out. What happened to Bart's face?"

"Why are you complaining, hermano? I look hot this way," Bart said, checking himself out in the mirror.

Oliver rolled his eyes amazed Bart could go from terrified to normal in a few minutes.

"That's kind of hard to explain," Clark temporized, shifting his weight.

Oliver fixed him with a stare, managing to stay focused by pure determination. "Harder than an octopus coming through a deep-sea portal in a bath tub? I can't imagine how you managed that in the six hours I've been gone," he said dryly.

Clark flushed and looked down. Oliver gritted his teeth against the pang of guilt that face caused him and stalked to the kitchen to put the knife away.

He stopped in the doorway, now even more confused. Lex Luthor was sitting calmly at the table, sipping coffee and he hadn't been there ten minutes ago.

"Hey, Ollie. You might want to rescue Miss Lane from the oven," he said, totally like they were friends and he was expected.

Oliver stifled a curse and put the knife away. Sure enough, Lois was hanging half out of the oven, still passed out. Oliver carried her to the couch and set her down, noting that someone had moved Victor onto the other couch and that he still wasn't awake.

That was too bad, because Oliver really wanted to know why the oven was a safe place from sea life.

He came back, and Lex was still there. "Why are you here?" he asked, wondering if he was the subject of a giant prank.

"No need to sound so hostile. I'm here to offer you my help stopping my father from experimenting on the gifted."

Oliver was about to make a snarky reply when Clark came in, still shirtless, with AC's arms around his neck. AC had his face buried in Clark's back and was still crying. Bart trailed behind, the purple on his face somewhat scrubbed off and made a beeline for the fridge.

To keep from staring at Clark, Oliver kept his eyes on Lex and, as a result, was unable to miss the slow once-over Lex did of Clark, with every evidence of enjoying it immensely. The bald guy then took a slow drink of his coffee and smirked suggestively.

Oliver glanced carefully at Clark to check his reaction. Clark grinned one of his sunshine grins, without a single blush of modesty or embarrassment.

Oliver mentally threw his hands in the air, giving up on trying to understand what was happening. "Okay, Lex," he said, dragging Lex's attention away from Clark. "How do you think you can help us?"


End file.
